#I’m so frickin nervous that this will flop bc I worked on this for so long-

[sketchthetofu]

DAKOTA COLE???!!! WHAT U DOIN UP THERE??? Anyway- do I like drawing city scapes? No. Did I do so bc I had a vision & it’s for Dakota? Yes-

[tozierpunks]

I’m always here for Reddie and stanpat. So. reddie & stanpat Conception AU

ashbot you’re the only one who truly loves me sometimes ❤️just a heads up, it’s a lil nsfw, so dig on this:

the story starts with mike teaching a classroom of 5 year olds, and he wraps up the lesson with, “any questions?” and little 5 year old Elton raises his hand and goes, “where do babies come from?” Mike’s face proceeds to drop to the floor

another little kid, Emmy, goes, “I’ll draw it for you Elton, it’s real weird.” AND NOW MIKE PANICS AND TAKES THE PAPER AND TRIES HIS BEST TO EXPLAIN, “it’s not weird! it’s... normal.” and a third kid (Cher) chimes in: “my daddy said the mommy poops out a baby” and Mike resists the urge to roll his eyes

cue title card and now we cut to our first couple of the story: stan and patty. now they’ve been trying forever to have a baby, but they’re struggling. patty is a doctor and stan is an environmental science teacher, they’re doing well, and now they’re on a special plan to get pregnant bc they’re ready, it’s time

so he comes in with the fertility shot, patty’s leaning against the bed, and he’s clearly nervous but this is his wife, he loves her, he wants this baby too, so he’s gonna help and he says, “i’m really afraid i’m not gonna be good at this.” “i’m afraid of that too babe.”

she instructs him tho, “hold it like a pencil, stick the needle in really quickly- like a dart, check for blood, and if there’s no blood then push the medicine in.”

“... okay but... if there’s blood... i might pass out. Maybe I should put some pillows down like a stuntman-”

“am I just gonna have to do this?” “No!” and she held her hand out to take the needle back but he just high fives her and counts down, “Three, two, two and a half-” “Stan.” AND HE STICKS HER AND SHE STARTS SHOUTING AT HIM

“OW, FUCKER!” “YOU SAID LIKE A DART!” “WELL NOT LIKE A FUCKING JAVELIN!”

stan, perplexed, stands there and patty shouts, “WELL PUSH THE MEDICINE IN.”

stan, still shaken: “OKAY, OKA- CAN YOU BE NICE TO ME?!”

“I HAVE GOT A NEEDLE IN MY ASS RIGHT NOW.”

“Oh babe there’s blood, I’m gonna be sick.”

And Patty is rolling her eyes while Stan needs to take a breather bc he really can’t handle the blood

NOW SCENE CUT TO REDDIE where it’s a little less romantic, a little more Fight Club

richie planned a whole day bc at the end, their surrogate was supposed to call to let them know which designer baby was chosen - so, richie’s spermies for a boy or girl, or eddie’s spermies for a boy or girl

but eddie comes storming into the house to see his boyfriend - not husband, but boyfriend - on the couch, and he marches straight to the bedroom to grab richie’s bat, comes back out, and smashes the tv

“WHOA, EDS, WHAT THE FUCK-” “GET YOUR SHIT OUT!” “YOU JUST SMASHED A THOUSAND DOLLAR TV-” “GET IT OUT, I’M CALLING OUR SURROGATE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE, JUST GET OUT! IT’S OVER!” he slams the door to his room, leaving richie dumbfounded, but ofc he comes right back out

“you didn’t even ask why i smashed the tv, you just said ‘that was a thousand dollar tv’!” ofc richie’s gonna bite back tho, “okay, fine, let’s ignore the property damage. eddie. what’s wrong?”

“YOU! You took my money-” “our moneY? in OUR bank account?” “and who put that money there? what’d you spend it on, richie? baseball? football? fucking ice skating-” “I’ll get it back-”

“great! mail it to me!” and again, he storms off. so obviously they’re in a pickle but more on that later.

BACK TO STANPAT BEING GREAT, Stan flops on the bed and groans, “this baby making stuff is really hard.”

“yeah but now comes the fun part.” “you’re gonna watch me play video games?” “no, we’re gonna have sex!”

stan doesn’t look as excited as patty hoped and she’s confused as he covers his face and goes, “babe... i kinda did it, with myself, in the bathroom-” “YOU MASTURBATED? WE’RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY, YOU CAN’T-” “YOU LEFT SOME KIND OF WOMEN’S CATALOG-”

“No, take your clothes off-” “Pat, respectfully, I have to take a raincheck-” “No! Take your frickin clothes off, you’re fucking me!” and ofc stan is pretty turned on by his wife being bossy, he can work up another small soldier in his pants maybe... probably... hopefully

so while they’re waiting for him, patty explains all the stuff he can and can’t do

“you’re gonna need to drink plenty of fluids, cut back on things like flaxseed-” “aw babe, I love flaxseed.” bc stan got jokes and patty just stares at him before adding, “and you gotta switch to boxers, the testicles need less restraint-”

“babe, i know you’re a doctor and you have to say that at the hospital, but when you’re at home, could you call them balls? like, stan your hot sweaty balls aren’t good for making babies-” “babe, i have to fuck you right now, stop.”

their banter is everything, and as they climb into bed, patty stresses that missionary position is more likely to get her pregnant, and stan is skeptical, “that just sounds lazy on your part.” but alright! and they do the do, and eventually patty tells him she orgasmed and stan is AGAIN SKEPTICAL

“what? no! You scream a lot when you orgasm-” “oh that’s just for show”

stan found dead in his bedroom

“this baby making stuff just keeps getting better and better.”

and as patty is lying there, hips elevated to help the spermies flow their little way up the pipes, she looks at stan and smiles, “i know this is a lot babe, i’m sorry. I just really want a baby.” and stan smiles back and kisses her hand, “i know pat. me too.” “will you stay with me?” “of course.” and they get to lie there together and be cute

NOW BACK TO REDDIE WHO ARE CLEARLY HAVING ISSUES BUT, EDDIE COMES OUT AND THREATENS TO CALL THE COPS, BUT RICHIE TAKES HIS PHONE AND ASKS, “WILL YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT STARTED ALL THIS, EDDIE? PLEASE?”

and eddie slumps against the wall and explains, “I thought having a baby would fix things. I thought I could get over your aversion to getting married, but I’m sitting at the stoplight, and I realize... everyone’s going somewhere. Everyone’s moving, but me.”

“Well that’s what you do at a stoplight-”

“Shut up Richie.” and Richie tries to reach out to touch Eddie but Eddie kicks him away and scoots to the other side of the wall, leaving Richie to sit in his spot

now they’ve been together since high school, they’re thirty now, and richie still hasn’t hinted at marriage. Eddie’s been ready since 24, and six years is a long time to wait for someone to mature. He really wants this baby, and he really wants a life with Richie, but he doesn’t know how to stop wanting to get married. If Richie doesn’t want that, where does that leave him? he doesn’t know if he can wait much longer for this man to be ready to grow up and start a life

so Richie sighs and goes, “I didn’t spend the money on sports stuff or gambling.” and he pulls a little velvet box from his pocket and slides it over and Eddie’s eyes widen and all Richie can hear from him is, “ohhh”

“I hate you, Richie.” and Richie snorts bc he loves Eddie so much, he knows that EDDIE KNOWS, he’s in the wrong. not richie. “I’m sorry-” “I love you, Eddie.” “I snapped-” “Clearly.” “That was really extreme-” “You’ve always been extreme. You threw the first rock at Stonewall- I mean, Henry.” “Shut up.”

and they start smooching on this apartment floor, but it quickly turns into a frantic fuck bc MAKE UP SEX!!!! WOO WOO!!!

when richie’s in the tub and eddie’s washing his hair, they get the call and the surrogate tells them she chose one of each bc the doctor said it was a maximum of two, they’ll find out in two weeks if it worked and then later, what they’re having!

cut to a couple months later, patty comes home and slams a sonogram on the table for stan to see, and he’s fighting the biggest goofy grin, “what’s that?” “a tumor.” and ofc he’s :/ “no it’s not.” “no it’s not!”

meanwhile, eddie is pacing in his apartment while richie lies on the floor and the surrogate is on speaker, “I didn’t think both eggs would plant! You guys are sure you can handle two kids?”

NOW, FINALLY, CUT BACK TO MIKE. THE BELL RINGS AND HE BREATHES A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF. ALL THE KIDS RUN OUT OF THE CLASSROOM TO THEIR PARENTS.

Emmy runs off to meet her mom and dad, Patty and Stan Uris

Elton and Cher are hoisted up by their dads, Richie and Eddie

the four of them wave to their old friend, Mike

the end :3

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           HI PARTY PEOPLE! it’s admin angie hi ( 22 • she/her )! not gonna get into how #excited bc i won’t be able 2 S T O P  but just trust. i’m working on an about page but for now, this is some ‘in general nice to know heck yea!!’ stuff about tessa. if any plots come to mind, drop me a line! i’ll prolly seek everyone out in a lil’ to plot n’ scream ‘bout your char, but until then :’)

GROWIN’ UP ; 

‣ tessa’s mother died when she was very young. her father was fairly removed from the get-go. tessa was left on her own most days & nights; especially when her older brother jake had a Sports Game Lol. their father would come home straight from work, fix himself dinner and then hop right on over to jake’s games. tessa was the Forgotten Child, tbh. ‣ since she spent so much time alone, she had to figure out ways to stay entertained. she had a very active imagination as a child - needing to create and build. because of this, she decided to turn her father’s workshop into a sort of science lab/invention studio when he wasn’t home. 85% of her inventions were flops, but she came up with some neat concepts. she was #SURE she was gonna be some neato scientist like prof philip brainard from flubber.  ‣ she was a silly lil’ thing, like real bouncy and quiet but also loud. she was good at keeping secrets as a child. liked 2 climb things and use her hands. real emotional. really into snugglin’. really fuckin’ funny before everything happened, not to toot her own horn.   ‣ when the candle cove murders were happening, her brother was at his #Peak with his sports. he was on his way to getting a full ride and their father was so pleased with him. they didn’t understand why she was ‘holding onto it’ even though she’d lost some pals. they didn’t get it and she learned to live with them bein’ frickin’ annoying.  ‣ she had a really solid group of friends - supportive, gentle, well intentioned. whenever they’d bring up the missing kids, she’d recoil. she was frightened but curious. she wanted to do some digging. she was jealous of the power and she didn’t know why. she never spoke of these feelings, only writing them in a dirt patch behind her house, quickly erasing them when she was done. 

ADULT LIFE ;

‣ tessa is still haunted by the candle cove murders. she will catch herself thinking about them regularly. as an adult, she’s still very curious as to how a television show was able to control and brainwash. these thoughts are often intrusive and leave tessa feeling very emotionally distraught ( sometimes a lil’ violent tbh yikes!! ). she struggles with incessant guilt.  ‣ tessa is pretty gentle but like, hella mommabear if you so much as LOOK @ someone she loves the wrong way. she’s the type that would like, ask for a Booth at a restaurant for you if you felt too scared. she’s good at taking the reins. :^) ‣ she works mainly as a behavioral management aide. she loves her job and loves her clients. sorry in advance if you catch her when she’s in the mood to talk about hoW MUCH SHE LOVES HER JOB!!! she volunteers @ clinics and such when she has the time. she does a lot of shit pro bono.  ‣ she’s got a cutie patootie kid named wyatt. his father isn’t in the picture and isn’t important ‘cos he’s a dillweed but here’s some info abt him. 

WYATT ;

tessa’s son wyatt is seven years old. he, like tessa, is more of an observer. he’s is a sweet, quiet boy - too nervous to do much of anything. he’s a compulsive checker - often worried about someone coming into their house to with malicious intent. things MUST be locked ( at school, in the car, at home, etc, ). every night before bed, wyatt sets ‘traps’ to catch anybody that might want to do either of them any harm/steal wyatt’s impressive matchbox car collection. more often than not, he ends up in tessa’s room, snuggled up at the foot of her bed so he can keep an eye out. notable info:     ▸ when wyatt was born, tessa had a hard time bonding with him. she’d tried        kangaroo care, carrying wyatt in a sling whenever she was able,        breastfeeding and separate-surface co-sleeping. nothing was working.        she felt alone ( especially as a single mom with no help ) and as though        there was a creepy lil’ stranger in her home.     ▸ when wyatt was two, tessa started to feel a real emotional bond. whenever        he’d smile at her or coo, she’d well up with tears. she was        embarrassed and guilt ridden that it had taken so long, but at the same        time, relieved.     ▸ now they’re the cutest lil’ duo. wyatt is protective when it comes to tessa. nervous        85% of the time, but would square up if he needed to lol.